In my new position, I think I have subconsciously been 'competing' with my new coworkers. It is hard not to feel like I should be where they are when I can't help them. I feel like I won't be able to absorb what I need to in time, but in reality I have only been with the company for two weeks which is a really short time. There is no way a new employee is going to be fully trained in two weeks, as much as I feel like I should be. I know that when you are working a new coworker starts, you will sometimes be annoyed and just want to complete the task yourself – or this is what I tell myself which I think is an anxiety response. My manager is very sweet and maybe not the most explanatory, which I think is due to her wanting me to think and investigate further with the resources I already have access to. I don't think any of my coworkers have negative intentions when interacting, I think we all have our moments and when something bad happens (like an angry patient) when it could have been avoided, anyone would be slightly put off by that and not exactly happy. I understand this and try not to take it personal. 

These thoughts can internalize and make me seem quiet or not participate in conversation because I don't want to create anymore issues. I am making a change to this and instead clarifying with my coworkers what they would have done or how they would handle a particular situation. I really think most of this is from my own anxiety and has no real basis for concern. I do need to be better at conversating and feeling comfortable which I know will come with time as I get to know everyone. 


 There is an individual at work that I feel like I am competing against. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but he is a younger man (he is young enough to be my child) and I applied for his job. My boss and the department head in which the job was posted both told me the job was very entry level and “beneath” my skill level. I declined the interview. It ended up being the boyfriend of hiring department. Yes-the same one that told me NOT to apply! He is capable, however, when point on the spot, he faulters and can’t come up with information on the spot. Everything has to be researched and then reported on. He makes more money than I do, and I perceive that he has more respect and acknowledgement than I do. We are in very different places in our careers and do not do the same job, however, our paths do cross on a regular basis. He frequently fails to share important information, however, if asked, he will provide the data.

     He has never done anything to undermine me, however, I feel competition with him, truly for no reason. I think it is the salary issue that prompts my feelings. I have more education, experience, time at the employer, certifications, and yet, here is a young man making about 20% more than I do. I am by no means a feminist, however, I do believe that more experience and skill should yield higher pay. I do believe that he can sense my feelings towards him. I take extra steps to give him full credit and praise his work in committee meetings. I do the same with his female coworker, whom I relate to very well. He does do a great job at presenting as well. I have a profound inferiority complex and I perceive him as a threat, but in reality, I doubt that he is. I honestly think that my issues are misplaced towards him. He did not set the wage scale of our employer and I need to let it go. I need to focus on what I do, not compare his tasks to mine. I need to do my job and let him do his. Sometimes being a human is tough.